cyber jihad

After lengthy discussions on the subject in the Grand Mufti Council, the Muftis have finally agreed on a fatwa issued by the Grand Mufti of the International Islamic School of the Leap of Faith, Altair Ibn La Ahad. The fatwa was on the subject of cyber-jihad. Sources confirm that the discussion was prompted by the recent online protests by cyber-jihadists.
Well known cyber-jihadist, Abu Niyou Al-Matriksi had posted on his facebook page,

“This is the cyber age. Most of our interactions happen in the cyber world. And so most of our jihad happens here too. It is not fair when we cyber jihadists, who do more work than so-called real jihadists, get less. Our work needs to be recognized!”


The cyber-jihadists have now ended their protest, signaling that they are pleased with the fatwa, which states,

“If a cyber-jihadist’s account gets deleted, it will count as a form of martyrdom, as cyber-martyrdom. Just as how real martyrs get to have sex with virgins as a reward, cyber-martyrs will get to have cyber-sex with cyber-virgins.”

Social justice warriors have come out against the fatwa. They say that the use of ‘real martyrs’ in the fatwa is offensive as it ‘trivializes’ the experiences of cyber-martyrs. One person clad in cardboard knight armour with a foam sword in his hand spoke to reporters,

“Cyber-martyrs are real martyrs, too. Just like how we social justice warriors are real warriors. The Grand Mufti will not be invited this year to speak in our college because of his microaggressions!”

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