Is “Dat Boi”—who we, Muslims, call Dat Brother—truly dead? Or is he in Jannat (Paradise)?

Dat Boi (May Allah be pleased with him) is a popular celebrity figure, role model, and meme icon that had emerged in mid-2016. The classic saying goes, “Here come dat boi,” followed by a nifty “O shit waddup!”. Dat Boi (May Allah be pleased with him) was a true Muslim at heart, keen on popularising the teachings of Allah Almighty among the blessed race of frogs and other glorious amphibians. One day, tragically, a sadistic cult known to us as The Daily Dot maimed and killed him. Normies (Sakhif Allah Yukrihuhum) have lynched, sacked, mauled, beaten, and killed him.

.. Or have they? Let us explore a distinct but plausible alternate possibility.

Ask yourselves, misters and sisters—to which plane do we traverse to following death? Death precedes the journey to heaven or hell! In Dat Brother’s case, it is needless to say he will most definitely journey effortlessly towards and into paradise. He is wholly devoid of sin, pure, and unquestionably religious.

Is it true? Is Dat Boi unmistakably in the holy realm of paradise? Query no more, slaves of Allah, for we of the Great Mufti Council have obtained a rare footage of Dat Boi riding back and forth all around Jannat! With obvious difficulty, we have procured an extremely rare picture, projected into a digital image via the collective meditation of the Great Muftis. It is Dat Brother! Astaghfirullah, what is above? Heaven, of course! Just observe how graceful, ecstatic, and youthful he is, brothers and sisters! Unfortunately, we cannot upload a video of the heavenly footage as we do not possess the capacity to actually render frame-by-frame meditational images… yet. One digital frame exhausts 3 weeks of continuous meditation from us, not to mention without food or drinks, too.

This is not satisfactory, is it? You wish Dat Brother was alive and with you in this mortal plane, do you not? I suspire, as I proceed to ease your suffering.

Look, I understand. You miss him. This is totally understandable and fine, of course. I miss him, too. I miss his valour, his vigor, his charm, his mating potential—everything. We all miss him, reader. Nonetheless, it is most important you should understand he is only absolutely dead if you let him be. Sure, Daily Dot and the Normies have disgustingly obliterated him; but to consider him deceased in our hearts makes us none-the-wiser. He maybe physically dead, but he will always live in our hearts. His memory, his legacy, and his teachings will and must carry on. If not, what are we but mere worms to the Normies, who can defile and destroy everything we revere at will? Do not let this happen. Let the legacy carry on. Ya Allah!

Keep shitposting, men and women of Islam! For it is your duty. It is your destiny.

In paradise, he rides his unicycle—and his 72 virgins ride him

In paradise, he rides his unicycle—and his 72 virgins ride him

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