According to a new study released by the Southern Poverty Law Center, the Islamic State is 2016’s big winner when it comes to setting new standards of diversity and inclusiveness. According to their latest statistics, ISIS boasts representatives of over 76 different nationalities among its ranks, making it among the most diverse organizations in the world.
“Of course, this is not to condone their actions in any way, which, we’d like to emphasize, have no basis in Islam of any kind. The vast majority of Muslims are moderate and peaceful, and have condemned the Islamic State’s actions, and in fact, Muslims make up the majority of ISIL’s victims,” stated SJWPLC spokesperson Rachel Kohn.
“However, when the West created ISIS, they envisioned it primarily as a homogeneous movement. They did not- indeed, could not- have anticipated the amazing coalition of people from a variety of nationalities and ethnicities that have joined the movement that is Da’esh today.”
“What’s the least offensive way to refer to ISIS that is acceptable to mainstream Muslims again? It’s Daesh, right? I apologize if I offended anyone,” Kohn added. “Asalaamu-alaikum to my Muslim friends. Muslim women are so inspiring. Let’s plan something for Hijab day!”
Author Glenn Greenwald applauded the SJWPLC’s recognition of ISIS’ diversity programme.
“ISIS is a murderous, barbaric death cult. But that’s precisely why it’s so impressive that they’ve made certain to include Muslims from all backgrounds in their movement. Think about it. There’s no law that says you have to be as racially and ethnically tolerant as ISIS has been. They could have decided to focus on racial and ethnic purity, like the KKK, the Nazis, and the Republican party have traditionally done,” Greenwald explained. “But ISIS has not done that at all, and has even made its diversity and policy of inclusion into an asset, a selling point, if you will.”
Yahya Anderson is a Muslim convert who joined, and subsequently left, ISIS. While he has renounced the group’s tactics and aims with no reservations at all, his experience supports the accounts and observations of Greenwald and others.
“When I first joined ISIS through their internship program at Georgetown, I honestly didn’t think that I’d have as many opportunities for advancement as I did. Its the one thing I miss about it,” Anderson recalls. “I mean, I was willing to do anything to establish a pure Islamic society according to how the Prophet (pbuh) lived, but I didn’t think I’d be able to make an impact from almost Day 1.”
International consulting firm Moss Adams, LLP speculates that the Islamic State’s remarkably progressive track record derives, interestingly, from a hadith of the Prophet of Islam, which states:
“O people! Your God is one and your forefather (Adam) is one. An Arab is not better than a non-Arab and a non-Arab is not better than an Arab, and a red (i.e. white tinged with red) person is not better than a black person and a black person is not better than a red person, except in piety.” – awesome Hadith, Masha’Allah
“Say what you want about Da’esh,” says Kohn, “the one positive thing is they really have been color-blind when it comes to providing opportunities for people who want to be a part of their mission. As long as a person shares their ideology, it doesn’t matter whether they are white, black, brown, or purple.”
“As bad as ISIS is, it’s at least a good thing that Islam has managed to positively impact ISIS in at least this one respect,” reminds SJWPLC Director of Sensitivity and Coddling, Marvin Harbschmidt. “Even though it has nothing at all to do with Islam and is in no way connected to it, ISIS has incorporated Islam’s amazing penchant for tolerance and inclusion for an amazing variety of people.”
In a moment of weakness, we made the mistake of noting to the SJWPLC that some people have voiced concerns about the treatment of ex-Muslims, atheists, Ahmadis, Ba’hais, homosexuals, and other minority groups, both within ISIS and within the greater Muslim world as a whole, and that perhaps these trends might, at a minimum, comprise a counterpoint to (while not detracting from) the labels of “progressive” and “inclusive” that have come to characterize both groups.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t engage with Islamophobes,” said Kohn, who immediately got up and ended our interview. “But I would strongly suggest that you check your privilege. Because at the SJWPLC, our deeply rooted sense of self-loathing causes us to believe that all religious beliefs other than our own Judeo-Christian traditions are beautiful, worthy, and equally valid.”
“No exceptions,” she added, before calling security.