Zamihan explaining the poop on hand analogy



Johor Bahru, Malaysia – Bidet Sales Officer, Zamihan Mat Zin, gave a passionate speech about the benefits of using a bidet at an annual dinner hosted by his company Jamban Automatik Korporasi International Malaysia JAKIM for short  (International Malaysian Corporation of Automatic Toilets) in which he referenced the company’s sales record noting in Malaysia, the largest minority group, the Chinese are unclean because they only use toilet paper and pleaded that they get on board with the bidet revolution that is taking the world by storm and how JAKIM has been manufacturing and outfitting Europe with bidets.



“I just don’t understand why so many Chinese, not all, in Malaysia are reluctant to using water to clean their pooper. Let me get this straight, imagine you’re wiping your pooper and the toilet paper malfunctions and you get poop on your hand, I’m sure you would use water to wash it off, heck you’d even use soap along with that water. Then why is the concept of washing  your poop chute with an automatic water spray so weird?” – Zamihan Mat Zin expressing his frustration of not being able to tap into the Chinese market.

Zamihan also noted that the idea of purchasing a fully automatic bidet for your household might be a daunting and expensive prospect costing a few hundred dollars for a unit, not including installation costs, but you can still buy a simple bidet hose that costs next to nothing and is easy to install. “I  just don’t understand the reluctance”, commented Zamihan with a sigh of frustration at his inability into tapping into the Chinese market in Malaysia.

Fully Automatic Bidet System

A simple bidet hose

What seems like a completely innocuous marketing observation by a somewhat enthusiastic bidet salesman, has now landed him hot soup as he has been arrested earlier this week at the behest of the Sultan of Johor who claimed that Zamihan’s comments were racially incendiary, attempted to harbour racial discourse and should be charged for sedition. News of his arrest came as a shock to many loyal customers, Muslims and non Muslims alike some claiming foul play suspecting that the Sultanate who is a major shareholder in Big Toilet Paper companies and see the Bidet Revolution as a threat to their profits. Mufti News has tried to get in contact with the office of the Sultanate but they have refused to comment on this incident.

“I don’t think Mr. Mat Zin statement was racist, JAKIM was professional and cordial when they came over to install my fully automatic bidet toilet that I had order. I know many of my Chinese friends who are reluctant to convert to a Bidet, I was too but after marrying a Bidet user, I became a convert.” – Tak Chew Chee, a happy bidet convert.

In her spare time, Siti is an avid diver.


We at JAKIM have dedicated ourselves to the bidet revolution and to revolutionizing toilet hygiene for everyone regardless of their race. We support diversity and we believe that all people are naturally bidet people however due to not being born in Bidet families, have been led astray and indoctrinated into reverence for toilet paper. This is all part of a ploy by big toilet paper companies and the Sultan is playing into their hands by interfering with our business. Stated JAKIM spokeswoman, Siti Binti Basheer, at a press conference following the arrest of Zamihan.





Zamihan released on bail and has mentioned that his dedication to the bidet revolution has not be waned because of this ordeal. Zamihan has also released a new video in the hopes that more people come to their senses and convert to the bidet system.

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