Ahmed the edgy Muslim anti-hero

Ahmed the edgy Muslim anti-hero (VBUH)

Liberal Muslim organization, MPV (Muslims for Progressive Values), have proposed a radical (not radical in the sense of blowing stuff up, mind you) new way of getting teens interested in Islam.

“What if we introduced a new edgy character to Seerah (the prophet’s story)? He will be the hot, edgy, cool counterpart to the prophet Muhammad. He will be the Sasuke to the prophet’s Naruto, the Shadow to his Sonic, the Venom to his Spider-man. Ahmed the edgy Muslim anti-hero!”

A spokesperson for MPV explained it.

“More and more young people are leaving Islam. It isn’t just cool enough anymore. We need something edgy to appeal to the teens. That’s where Ahmed (VBUH) comes in. By the way, VBUH means Violence Be Upon Him, cos that sounds cooler. He’s the opposite of the prophet. But not completely evil, cos that’s lame; following the Shaitan is lame, bro. At first, he will be sort of an enemy of the prophet, but he won’t be on the side of the bad guys either. He’s just a wild card, you know, his own man. But then later when the bad guys become more dangerous, the prophet will seek his help. And he’ll be like, “Heh, long time no see. I am your enemy. But I will help you. It’s not like I like you or anything.” So cool!”

Heh, nothing personal, habibi.

“Heh, nothing personal, habibi.”

“Remember the part where the bad guys try to kill the prophet in his sleep, only to see Ali in his place? Why not have Ahmed there? Just imagine.. the bad guys sneak into the prophet’s room, see a sleeping figure covered in a sheet.. and they pull off the sheet, ready to strike! But OwO, what’s this? The figure mysteriously disappears! The bad guys feel a blade touch their necks! They hear the words, “Heh, nothing personal, habibi”, before having their throats slit. “H-how?” You see, Ahmed (VBUH) can use the miracle power, Tay-al-Ard! Yes!!! He has THAT bloodline!! His fullname? Ahmed al-Birkhia! He is a descendant of Asif ibn al-Birkhia, the scribe of Solomon who teleported the throne of the Queen of Shiba using that miracle power!”

This will make a cool profile pic.

This will make a cool profile pic.

“All the teens will put pics of Ahmed (VBUH) as their profile pics. And they will laugh at those with Muhammad (PBUH) profile pics, “Ha, normfags”. All teens would want to be like Ahmed. So let’s do this! Make Islam Great Again!”

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