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1. Don’t blink when you see him/her for the first time.

 

The first glance is halal. So when you see that special someone for the first time, make sure you don’t blink, and take a good look to see if he/she meets your criteria.

 

2. Listen to Van Canto to be a halal metalhead.

 

Musical instruments, specially the string instruments, are the devil’s Quran. But percussion instruments can be okay according to some Muftis. So if you are a metalhead and want to stay a metalhead, do it the halal way and listen to the a capella metal band, Van Canto. \m/

 

3. Sleep during the day to avoid Salat.

 

Sleep is one of the few valid excuses to skip Salat. So sleep during the whole day to avoid those five annoying daily prayers.

 

4. Don’t make too much money so you can skip Hajj.

 

Hajj is a requirement for those who have the means to pay for that expensive trip to Mecca. So don’t get too rich. If you get too much money, spend them on Zakat. You know, helping us Muftis is a form of Zakat.

 

5. Keep saying the shahada when doing something haraam.

 

The Grand Mufti, Altair ibn la Ahad from the International Islamic School of the Leap of Faith has said that he who says the shahada, the Islamic declaration of faith, as his last words will go to heaven. The greatest fear of every Muslim is dying while doing or right after doing something haraam, dying in a state of sin. So use this simple halal life hack to avoid that, keep saying shahada.

“Yeah! Oh Yeah! Oh God! Yes! La ilaaha! Illallah! Muhammadu! Rasulullah!”

 

6. Hide explosives in your mouth.

 

This is the simplest halal life hack. Tired of life? Hack it into oblivion; hide explosives in your mouth and blast off to heaven to party with some virgin chicks and pearl-like boys.

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