Lipsticks throughout the ages, with the Holy Sigil Of Lipsticks in the centre.

Lipsticks throughout the ages, with the Holy Sigil Of Lipsticks in the centre.

Do you know why lipsticks are called lipsticks? In the Victorian Era, they were made from real lips. Sir Dorian Rithson created the first modern lipstick with ground animal lips; to be precise, the lips of the Javan Red-Lipped Ape. Its lips contained a red pigment, rathus culaca, that is not found elsewhere. [1]

In the Great Lipstick Prohibition Era, lipsticks were banned in much of the free world. But the sons and daughters of the enlightenment rebelled. They started producing lipsticks illegally in their basements. This is why, to this day, lipsticks are a symbol of rebellion and enlightenment [2].

However, certain Muslim “historians” challenge this, saying that this is a lie told by the West to hide Muslim contributions to the modern world. According to them, the first lipstick was invented by a Muslim scientist, Salman bin Al Kalb during the Safavid Era. But runours* spread in the Caliphate that he used pig lips. So he had his fingertips cut off and he was crucified. This is why to this day, most Muslim scholars speak against lipsticks. [3]

*Runours – Not a typo, not a typo at all. It’s a medieval Farsi term for Islamic rumours, used by Muslims under the Safavid Caliphate. In fact, certain Muslim “historians” say that the English word ‘rumours’ comes from the medieval Farsi term used by Muslims.

One ex-Muslim, who goes by the pseudonym Philosophus Autodidactus, reportedly said, “It’s funny how these Muslims claim that everything was invented by Muslims when everything is haraam to them now.” [4]

Well, Mr. Philosophus Autodidactus, if that is even your real name, I have one word for you: You couldn’t even come up with an original name. You are using the Latin name of a book from the Islamic Golden Age, Ḥayy ibn Yaqẓān (Alive, Son Of Awake, known in English as: The Improvement of Human Reason: Exhibited in the Life of Hai Ebn Yokdhan); a book written by a Muslim, therefore your name comes from Allah. Checkmate, atheist! (Okay, okay, I get it’s more than one word, but you get the point. Takebeer!)

Anyways, these are the Muzzfeed facts on lipsticks. Now you know all there is to know about them, alhamdulillah. Wait, we just received some more facts: Some people say that even now, real ground lips are used for lipsticks, and that Monsanto uses GMO lips and the Javan Red-Lipped Apes are vaccinated by Big Pharma! [5]

[1] On The History Of Lipsticks, Lee P. Steak, 1954.

[2] Origins Of Sigils Of Secret Societies: The Nivuknights Of The Hexagonal Table, Shiba Inu, 1948.

[3] Everything Was Invented By Muslims, Razor Asslane, 2015.

[4] Everything Was Allegedly Invented By Muslims, Yet Everything Is Haraam To Them, LOL, Philosophus Autodidactus, 2016.

[5] Dr. Gwyneth Deepak Avocado Food Oz, Spirit Scientist, Collective Evolutionist.

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