Ya'Allah please, these jokes are too funny, subhan'Allah!

Ya’Allah please, these jokes are too funny, subhan’Allah! Subhan’Allah!

Oh Allah! Please accept this du’a. May these halal jokes strengthen my imaan. May we always remember that while these jokes might be funny, only You are the Most Funny, and our purpose is to laugh at Your jokes only. Only Your jokes would be the funniest and most perfect jokes, if You were to make them. Ameen Ya Rubble Alameen. 

Hey, akhi… Habibti…

1) How many Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer:

It doesn’t matter, as long as they do not associate partners with the lightbulb.

I don't know, that one was kind of weak. Do you have any others?

I don’t know, that one was kind of weak. Do you have any others?

Okay, okay how about this one:

2) How many Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer:

One man, or two women.

That's not funny man, Islam liberated women... take that down

That’s not funny man, Islam liberated women… take that down

Sorry, sorry, that was a cheap shot.

Let me try again:

3) How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer:

None. Because why do we need to change the lightbulb? The old one is perfect, we just have to follow our religion better.

Wait I don't... Oh- yup! I got it! That's pretty funny...

Wait I don’t… Oh- yup! I got it! That’s pretty funny…

Yes! Tom Cruise enjoyed that one!

Awesome! Okay let’s try some more…

4) How many Sunni Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer:

I have to consult a scholar. I don’t want to say something wrong.

Sunnis are not all like that! We know some things...

Sunnis are not all like that! We think for ourselves (when it’s permissible, I mean, of course! Lol!)

Ah Sunni Islam. You know it’s the one true religion because there are so many Sunni Muslims. Obv.

5) But how many Sunni Muslim scholars does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer: 

There are several opinions on the matter.

These guys will check what the Prophet did, and get right back to you!

These guys will check what the Prophet did, and get right back to you!

Sunni Muslims are hilarious aren’t they?

Making sure they copy the Sunnah all the time. But what about Shi’as?

6) How many Shia Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 

Wait for it…

 

Steady…

 

Hold…

 

Hold…

 

You know what, let's table this one. Come back to it later...

Oh! Right, right, right…

Yeah, let’s think about this one a bit first. We’ll come back to it. We don’t want to mess this one up.

Who can we pick on now? Oh- I know:

7) How many Ahmadiyya Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer:

Ahmadiyya aren’t real Muslims.

Austin Powers

That’s right! They’re heretics!

Oh- here’s another one of the peaceful sects we can joke about:

8) How many Sufi Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer:

11. One to change the lightbulb, and 10 to maintain dhikr chant and to interpret the lightbulb metaphorically.

John-Krasinski-no

That one wasn’t that good but Sufis are kind of weird…

Here’s a better one, don’t go yet. Don’t go…

9) How many LGBTQ Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer:

Two. One to change the bulb, and another to misinterpret the Qur’an.

Austin Powers

It’s not that we’re homophobic. It’s just that we believe God is sending them to Hell. There’s a huge difference.

LOL!  LGBTQ Muslims!

What will they think of next?

10) Hey, speaking of ex-Muslims, how many ex-Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer: 

One, as long he doesn’t preach his new beliefs. Because that’s a crime!

That's right. It's not easy being an ex-Muslim. In some places, that's illegal.

That’s right! Islamic law pretty much makes it illegal for Muslims to leave the faith. But only because Islam is perfect, so why would anyone want to leave it?

Oh man, these are hilarious. Ex-Muslims usually were never really Muslim in the first place anyway. So their rights don’t matter.

11) How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer:

None, because can’t the lightbulb just change itself? What’s that? It can’t? Oh, well look at that… I guess nothing happens without a cause, huh? Stupid atheists.

That's gross! That's racist!

That’s gross! That’s racist!

How about this one:

12) How many Muslim parents does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer:

It’s okay bheta, we can just sit here in the dark, you can change it when you have time for us.

Just finish with your friends first bheta. We will die soon anyway.

Just finish with your friends first bheta. We will die soon anyway.

Yes, our parents to put guilt trips on us, when we do not change their lightbulbs, and also when we question Islam. But that’s just how parents are!

Hey, look a bonus joke!

Bonus Joke: How many Muslim apologist spokespeople does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer:

Two.

One to make sure nobody blames Islam for it having burned out, and another to tell people they’re being Islamophobes if they notice that it’s gotten dark.

OMG! OMG! It hurts! The truth hurts! Stop!

OMG! OMG! It hurts! The truth hurts! Stop!

 

 

Facebook Comments