homo sekshul
Typical Homo Sekshul expressing sympathy in Homo Sekshul ways.


What psychologists describe as a ‘remarkable phenomenon’ has been observed in Muslim populations. Psychologists have known for a long time that empathy in Muslim humans (Homo Islamicus) works differently from the other race of humans, Homo Sekshuls. In 1420, renowned Muslim philosopher Shaykh Oubet wrote in his treatise on human psychology – a book that has been an influence on modern psychologists in the West – that Muslims have no empathy at all. But this new discovery has shed a new light on the subject.


Dr. Saiko Roji, a man known as the best psychologist and neuroscientist in the world, spoke to reporters,

“We have been observing Muslim populations for the past decade and have come across a remarkable phenomenon. We saw Muslims expressing sympathy! This is a race that was known to have no empathy at all.”

Ben Affleck, who came out of nowhere, interrupted,

“That’s gross! That’s racist!”

The good doctor continued,

“Umm, ooookaaaay. Anyways, we found out how Muslims express sympathy. You see, they have a different hormone, whadabautocin, for empathy. It is produced when they observe Homo Sekshuls expressing sympathy for other Homo Sekshuls. We don’t know how and why they evolved this way. Professor E. Zlamofob has come up with a controversial theory. He says that Homo Islamicus is parasitic in nature. That they cannot survive on their own because of their lack of normal empathy. They rely on the empathy of Homo Sekshuls for their survival. He believes he has a cure, genetically modifying Homo Islamicus and turning them into Homo Sekshuls”.

Razor Ass-lane, a Homo Islamicus rights activist reportedly said,

“We, the great Islamicus race, are not going to be turned into a lesser species. We are not going to change on the genetic level! We will simply pretend we are normal, act like Homo Sekshuls on the outside.”

When we, at Mufti News, tried to contact Ass-lane, he declined to comment.

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