I will not strangle Razor, I will not strangle Razor, focus on the breath. – Guru Samhara
Is Naziphobia real? This controversial topic has been trending in the media recently, following the appearance of ‘liberal Nazi’ or as he puts it, ‘true Nazi’ Razor Ass-lane, live on Mufti TV. Buddhist scholar Guru Samhara, actor Bin Aflagh and renowned greenwalder (greenwald [verb, transitive]: To misrepresent a more intelligent person’s superior argument, typically on social media in the form of poorly written material under the guise of journalism.) Green Glennwald appeared on the show with him.
Here are some highlights from the show:
When Samhara pointed out the atrocities committed by Nazis and the atrocious beliefs held by them, Bin Aflagh screamed,
“That’s gross! That’s racist!”
While a puzzled Samhara was at a loss for words, Glennwald started to explain what Bin Aflagh meant, as he was the primary expert on people’s intentions.
“What Bin Aflagh means is that you can’t just criticize the culture of another group of people. It’s their culture, their morals. If you are saying your morals are better, you are an imperialist pig!”
While visibly agitated, Samhara whispered some things to himself. Mufti News’s head lip reader, Mufti Mat Solo, read his lips and figured out what he said.
“Take a few deep breaths. Allow gravity to settle you into your seat. And now gradually become aware of the process of breathing. Notice where you feel the breath most distinctly. Either at the tip of the nose or in the rising and falling of your abdomen. Just feel the mere sensations associated with the breath. From the beginning of the inhalation, through the pause between breaths, and follow the exhalation to the end. Simply cover the breath with your awareness. There’s no reason to control the breath, just allow it to come and go naturally. Every time your mind wanders to a thought, like the thought of using your ninja techniques and Brazilian jiu-jitsu moves on Glennwald, gently return it to the breath.”
After calming himself down with mindfulness meditation, Samhara started quoting words of ex-Nazis against Nazism. Glennwald interrupted him,
“The only ones who can criticize Nazism are Nazis. Ex-Nazi voices aren’t authentic. They are porch Jews. Let’s hear from an authentic voice. Razor?”
Razor Ass-lane, who was fidgeting in his seat waiting for a chance to speak, squealed gleefully as he was finally given the chance.
“I have a PhD in Nazism studies! Do you, Guru Samhara? No? That’s what I thought! If we were talking about Buddhism, then I wouldn’t have said anything as that is your area of expertise. The extremists you talk about are people who use Nazism for their own purposes. They became extreme because of Western imperialism. Ah, if only Hitler was here, he’d have cut these imperialists down to size.”
“Hitler?! How can you support such a person?!”
“Did I tell you I have a PhD in Nazism, Samhara? Hitler is misunderstood. As the winners write history, the capitalist imperialist winners of WWII wrote lies about Hitler. Nazism is not about one race being superior, it’s merely a form of sociopolitical ideology where each race is respected, a form of social order created to counter the evils of the Zionist elite.”
“Using the word ‘Zionist’ like that.. the modern hip politically correct way of being anti-Semitic without sounding anti-Semitic, huh? Hitler’s book, Mein Kampf is a hate-filled anti-Semitic book.”
“Samhara, remember, I have a PhD in Nazism. You don’t. When I read Hitler’s Mein Kampf, I see nothing bad in it. When you see racist and anti-Semitic things in it, you are seeing your own prejudices reflected in it. All I see is peace and love. You read translations of Mein Kampf. I read the original. You have to know 1920s German to understand it. All those translators have been lying. Anti-Semitism and racism have nothing to do with Nazism. Nazism means peace. The racists you see on TV are not true Nazis like me, it’s all Naziphobic propaganda. All those who say that my interpretation is not the true one are siding with the extremists. You, Samhara, are an extremist racist!”
While Samhara wondered whether he should argue with these men or just move to the Himalayas and never return, Green Glennwald took out a Nazi concentration camp badge and attached it to his shirt. Noticing Samhara’s shocked face, Glennwald explained,
“This hibadge is not the symbol of oppression you think it is. It’s a symbol of liberation. I am wearing it to show my support for all hibadge wearers.”
Bin Aflagh, who had no idea what the adults were speaking about, thought for a moment and then turned to Samhara,
“If you are a good person, you should stop criticizing Nazism. Maybe there are bad Nazis. But when you criticize Nazism, it gives fuel to Naziphobes who attack all Nazis, not just the extremists. Did you know that innocent people are being attacked?”
“That is why I am saying, criticize the ideology, not all the people. I know that many are just brainwashed. As for the extremists, simple criticism won’t be enough, we might need to take extreme measures against them.”
Green greenwalded Samhara,
“Did you hear that?! Samhara just said that all Nazis are brainwashed, that we have to take extreme measures against them, which means torturing them and nuking their homes!”
Samhara sighed and left for the Himalayas, ending the show.
We later managed to get a hold of Samhara for some comments. When we told him that Nazis did contribute to the growth of science and the arts, with a look that sent shivers down our spines, he said,
“You know, I respect a person’s right to do anything that does not harm others, I will respect a person’s right to believe anything. But I don’t have to respect the beliefs themselves. Beliefs have consequences. I don’t have to respect the person when he or she’s trying to beautify something horrendous. That is despicable. Just imagine that, a person beautifying Nazism and Mein Kampf and Hitler. I will certainly not respect it, hell, I will stand against it when that person tries to impose that belief on someone else, including that person’s children. Children need to be taught how to think, not brainwashed with bullshit. Excuse my language. You are seeing me at the end of my patience. Sorry. No more. Bye.”
We also met Razor. We let him know that the public opinion was generally shifting towards Samhara’s side. He responded thusly.
“It’s not fair! People who follow religions with equally bad (or even worse) roots are accepted solely because what they follow are religions. If Nazism was a religion, most people would be on our side.”