Last evening, Shaitaan’s support team, more commonly known as the Devil’s Advocates bagged the top Long Service Award For Consistency at the Quality Control Awards Gala Night. The yearly event celebrates consistency in top quality standards in products and services across various industries, skills and trades.
The winners beat other giant contenders for the same title such as Orange, Samson and BookFace. According to the panel of judges, the Devil’s Advocates were chosen for their continuous service in the “instilling doubt” department, since the start of times. They even cited increasing numbers of Ex-Muslims around the world today as a major factor of their decision.
During his acceptance speech, Shaitaan cited ‘continuously keeping abreast with the times’ as one of the main reasons for their high standards of performance.
Speaking backwards as Shaitaan usually does through his songs, played backwards here “At the start it was real easy, it was all about apples and at most some shape-shifting in the form of a snake or something. Nowadays though, you got to compete for attention with other worldly pleasures. It’s all good but we want disbelievers, we want apostates. That’s really our KPI, you see.”
Shaitaan continues, “We are proud of how far we have come. We have had to offer round the clock services as you never know when an opportunity to instil doubt would arise. We have had to keep up with the expansion of human civilisations, making sure our manpower size matches the speed at which new cities form and expand. That’s one hell of a HR problem but Alhamdulillah, we have managed to cope so far.”
“The subjects of philosophy and science have always been our top weapons of choice. However, these days, we must evolve with the times to ensure consistency in our service standards, having to explore new mediums and formats and even global strategies. One of our favourites so far was the song Hotel California, which gets you to worship the devil on a subconscious level, when played backwards. It was so subtle you won’t even realise you’re actually doing it! Boy that bagged us a whole generation!” Shaitaan adds with a chuckle.
Commenting further, “The global Jewish conspiracy and the Illuminati is so yesterday. New times call for newer measures and today you see our works manifested in the likes of the Gay Pride Parade, or rather, the propagation and normalisation of the gay lifestyle. We’ve had much success in North America that today it is legal for guys to marry other guys. Allah SWT would be so proud I tell you. So proud of what we’ve done.”