Angry Muslim Arabs

Angry Muslim Arabs

A group of Muslim Arabs in the area gathered today in protest against non-Arab Muslims who have been appropriating their culture.

“They have stolen our language and our culture! Don’t you people have your own?! You don’t know what it’s like to be Arab! How dare you?!”

Area social justice warriors, albeit visibly confused, joined in the protest.

“You adopt Arab clothes even in climates that don’t suit them. What’s wrong with you?!”

Moments later, another ethnic group entered the area and started protesting against the Muslim Arabs, Christian Greeks.

“You stole our Byzantine architecture! Our domes! And of course, segments of our holy book and even other works like the Alexander Romance, where Alexander builds a wall around the Gog Magog, and the Testament of Solomon, where Solomon commands demons! One empire under one god and one faith, you stole that from us!”

And soon, others joined in. The first, Zoroastrian Persians.

“Our Sassanian architecture too! And even some of our beliefs! In ancient Persia, there was the concept of an earthly paradise developed in the form of beautiful gardens. The ancient Persian Avestan word, pairidaēza, which meant walled-around, that is, ‘walled-garden’, was adopted by your people as firdous. Then there’s the Book of Arda Viraf, where our holy man Viraf travels to our equivalent of heaven and hell. Which your people stole and changed into Isra Miraj. You even stole our Chinvat bridge.. the bridge that becomes thinner for the bad people and wide for the good. At least when your people stole the beliefs of Christians, Sabians and Jews, you had an excuse to use against accusations of plagiarism: “Christians, Sabians and Jews are people of the book that went astray.” But your Muhammad made a grave error when he declared us Zoroastrians as pagan infidels who aren’t people of the book. You have no excuse! You appropriated parts of our beliefs! It’s proof that your beliefs are just a pastiche of of other beliefs from that area.”

The second, Arab pagans.

“You stole our God from us! Our Allah, one of many Gods. You made him an egotistical, misogynistic and evil being. Our Allah values women, had female children even!”

And last, but not least, Jews.

“The sheer audacity! You stole our religion, our holy people, our history! More than 90% of your prophets are Jewish! Your holy books mostly consist of things stolen from ours! And yet you people now teach your children to hate us! Isn’t this the worst form of cultural appropriation? Steal the culture of an ethnic group, pretend it’s yours, and then call for the deaths of the original group?! Ibrahim, Imran, Musa, Harun, Maryam, Isa, Daud, Sulaiman, Ayyub, Ilyas, Ishaq, Yaqub, Uzair, Yahya, Yusuf, Yunus, Zakariyya, et cetera.. all Jews! Arabizing their names don’t make them any less Jewish!”

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