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I know it’s such an odd thought but I can’t help it. The more that I keep trying to stop thinking about it, the more it pops up in my head, kinda like an unwanted boner that just refuses to disappear until I start calling Grandma.

You see, I keep finding myself entertaining the idea that I might just be the Dajjal of end times.

The Dajjal of end times

The Dajjal of end times. 

And if I am actually supposed to be the Dajjal, it’d be quite the epic failure of doomsday proportions if I even fail to get the cue. Oh they’d be talking about that one for an eternity over in heaven. It’d be one hell of a huge mistake to overlook the possibility and dismiss it entirely.

I mean, I screw up quite a fair bit as it is, I tend to keep forgetting how many raka’ah’s I’ve done mid prayer, then I end up cutting the prayer short. But this, if it was really supposed to be me but I overlook it, this would be a massive fuckup. Technically speaking, the world could potentially never ever end.

I hear that the Dajjal is a master at deceiving. And if I take a good hard look at myself, I do indeed have tendencies to deceive that might qualify me. Earlier today on my way back from work, my GPS driving app warned me of a speed cam up ahead. So I slowed down to give the guy in the machine taking all the pictures the impression that I drive within the limits.

Plus, the Dajjal is necessarily Anti-Christ by definition. I hate Christian Rock. So yea.

The more that I look at the signs, the more that it starts to seem that I might be the one.

Also, if I miss my cue entirely, Allah could really just replace my role. I’m not sure if it’d be all that much a relief actually, if my destiny was so easily replaceable. I mean, actually having a pivotal role to play in the history of mankind is indeed something. How many other contingency plans have there always been anyway?

Assuming it was really supposed to be me, do I actually want that role in the first place? I mean, the expectations are too damn high. It’s like a performance 1400 years in the making. What if I don’t do good enough a job?

According to the prophecies, I’m supposed to actually fight Prophet Isa and Imam Mahdi, but what the hell, it’s been foretold that I’m actually going to be killed anyway. What the fucking hell! I can’t even hold my own in a bar brawl anyway. (actually outside the bar on my way to the mosque) and now I have to fight Prophet Isa and his newly minted best bud Imam Mahdi? And bear in mind, it’s supposed to be the most epic battle of all history between good and bad.

On the other hand, then what about if I get too good at my job and evil ends up triumphing over good instead? No, no. I can’t. I shouldn’t. I should be good at it but not too good.

A good job

This could be me having done a really good job

Then comes my next question. Assuming I’m really the dajjal, do I get rewarded if I do a good job? Or is it such that either way, I’m damned. Cos if it’s the latter, then what’s the point of going through all the trouble of being anti-Christ? I could use whatever time I have left partying and what not. What sort of rewards would that be if I do indeed do a good job? Like, what’s in it for me, you know? Do I still get a place in heaven? Man those guys are so gonna hate me.

I know it is unbecoming of any Muslim to even have such thoughts.

Help me, Muftis.

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