The Head of the UN Humans Rights Council has called for greater welfare and workplace safety standards for the executioners who tirelessly behead prisoners. This comes after reports that a an executioner by the name of Khalid al-Faraj complained about having pulled his shoulder amidst the massive number of decapitation demands over the past few months.

pulled pork

Picture Courtesy of The Onion

When contacted, Al-Faraj had this to say.

“The last thing I want to do is to have to strike a second time to make sure the head is cleanly off the body. That would be gruesome for the crowd watching and I think my cred with my loyal supporters might drop. “

pulled more pork, cheers (;

In the note that was forwarded to the decapitations department, it was noted that the Chair of the UN Council of Human Rights, Wiz Al- Burj Khalifa, expressed concerns over overworked executioners. It states

“We understand that of late, there has been a spike in the number of executions that have been scheduled. We view any transgressions in human rights seriously and would gently like to recommend that the decapitations department takes up the necessary measures to ensure the safety and welfare of the executioners. A good measure to take up is to hire more executioners to keep up with the rising demand as forecasted.”


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